There is safety in knowing what the next step will be, or simply having the opportunity to analyze the situation to determine my next move. However, when life seems to be out of my control; I feel anxious and afraid.
I set down and wrote the above
paragraph on Saturday evening then walked away because I wasn’t sure what else
there was to say. I think it collectively sums up how my family is
feeling right now. Why, you ask? I should back up to the
beginning of the year.
Mid January, we started noticing that
Diego was struggling during physical exercise. At first, we disregarded
it, then we justified it by saying he was simply out of shape. As time
went by, it became increasingly evident there was a problem that we couldn’t
ignore.
I moved up Diego’s 6 month Tulsa check
up to see if his local cardiologist thought the issue could be cardiac
related. He felt the test results warranted a review by Diego’s Boston
cardiologist. So long story short, there was no sense of urgency, but Boston
said they would like to run their own extensive testing. Diego is
scheduled for a stress test, Ultrasound, MRI and heart catheterization the
first week of April in Boston.
I suppose I have been emotionally
wrestling with Diego’s life being out of my control since the day he was
born. Diego’s heart journey causes me to constantly ponder this fragile
thing called life, which we often take for granted. This is why my
daughters’ writings in my last blog posting were so profound to me. Then
today, I set in Mass at the Church of the Madalene listening to Deacon Robert
DeWeese’s Homily. He concluded with, “Keep the eyes of your soul on Jesus
and you will find what He promised us at the end of our journey.”
My take away...Yes, there are hardships
and hiccups in life, but never allow these experiences to put fear and anxiety
in my soul.
