Too Strong For His Own Good



Lap 1



Diego had his 6 week post-op check up.  His face radiated with excitement when the cardiologist told him that he could participate in all physical activities.  He was thrilled that he would be able to play soccer at recess, participate in PE at school and practice with his soccer team.  He is an amazing young man with the determination of a warrior.  He was feeling good, both emotionally and physically. 

Diego is naturally competitive.  He is not one to give up on a challenge.  When his school’s annual Jog-A-Thon event arrived, I found Diego competing with his friends and himself to be better than last year.  He told me that some of the kids were teasing him by saying that he would not be able to run as many laps because of his heart.  Diego was determined to prove them wrong.  He said that last year he ran 19 laps so this year he wanted to run 20.  As his mother, of course a red flag went up.  I reminded Diego that last year he had not gone through an open heart surgery and he could not push himself to do more than his body would allow. 

Lap 2

Diego was happy and full of energy when it was time for his class to participate in the Jog-A-Thon.  He came around from the first lap looking tired, but was maintaining a good pace.  I spotted him as he was circling around from his 2^nd lap.  As I snapped a picture I realized that he was struggling.  The closer he got I noticed that the tip of his nose was a grayish blue.  I grabbed him and said that he needed to sit down and tears filled his eyes.  I realized that his pride was getting in the way and he did not want to stop; not even if he was close to passing out.  I began walking with him and explaining that he should be proud of himself for running even though he had surgery just 7 weeks ago.  It was an amazing feat and even bigger than the fact they he had ran 19 laps last year.  He was starting to calm down and seemed to be processing my words.  We continued walking another lap, and then he decided he wanted to run for a little bit.  He was emotionally and physically exhausted, but he was able to walk and run interchangeably for the remainder of the 20 minutes.  When the whistle was blown he had accomplished 9 laps.  He quickly found a place to sit down and rest.  All of his friends were very kind to come over and check on him to make sure he was okay. 

What scared me the most about the Jog-A-Thon was to realize that Diego’s competitive nature was stronger than his natural instinct that was telling him to stop.  I continued to talk with Diego to make sure he would respect his physical limitations.  If not, then I would not allow him to participate in soccer and other competitive activities.  Diego’s response was simple, “But mom, the doctor said that I had a full release”.  My response, “Diego, a full release does not mean that you are capable of doing everything, it means that you are allowed to try within your ability.” 

The following soccer practice Diego’s team had to run a lap around the field.  I have to admit that I was nervous.  I watched the team take off and within seconds “competitive” Diego was left in the dust.  I was concerned that he would push himself too hard again.  I met up with him on the track and was grateful to see that he had good color.  He seemed to be maintaining a good pace and dealing with the fact that he would not be able to keep up with his team.   The sweetest moment was when Diego’s teammates finished; they all ran back to Diego and walked the remainder of the lap with him.  



I feel that right now the most important thing for me to do is recognize and understand where Diego is physically and emotionally so I know where I need to be.  I needed to see him respecting his physical limitations.  He has to figure it out and understand it.  He is old enough and ultimately it is his responsibility to navigate.  I’m trying to observe quietly from the stands as a mere spectator.  In reality, I am paying close attention to whether or not he continues to respect his physical limitations while also making sure that he is emotionally okay.  I admit it; I’m tired of worrying and stressing.  I’m tired of the unknown and the lets wait and see.  I also know for every ounce of tiredness and frustration I feel he feels 100 times more…why?  Because he is old enough to understand and ultimately responsible.