It was 6 months post surgery and Diego’s Boston cardiologists were requesting a check up to review his progress. I scheduled an appointment with Diego’s local cardiologist. After completing another extensive round of tests the Tulsa office would send all records to Boston for review.
On the car ride home from the doctor's office, Diego became very quiet. Then, he started asking questions. “Momma, what does this mean, what will happen next?” I explained that we were hopeful the banding had improved his heart and it would be ready for the next surgery. And at that point, an evening rollercoaster ride of emotions began. It was very extreme from moments of sweetness to rages of anger. Diego couldn’t focus long enough to complete his homework so I encouraged him to take a shower and try to relax. While in the shower, the flood gates opened as I heard Diego crying inconsolably. When he came out of the bathroom he seemed to melt into my arms. I simply held him as he cried. Diego said things that came from deep with inside. They were words of anger and fear. He said everything that I have ever thought, feared and felt myself regarding Diego’s heart journey. I know how hard it has been for me to deal with these emotions, but to see my child suffering with these very same emotions was beyond any pain I had ever felt. It is one thing to deal with these feelings as an adult, as a mother, but something totally different to deal with these feelings as a child. I laid down with Diego in his bed and as we said his prayers we asked God to grant him peace and we prayed for his doctors.
No comments:
Post a Comment